Just me (and a lens flare!)

February 12, 2012

I took these pictures today during that amazing "golden hour" of perfect, gorgeous sunlight that happens ever day. If there was a way that I could have every single picture I ever take, be during this magic hour, that would be perfection! I was really happy that I got such wonderful lens flares even though I took these with my iPhone.These photos were taken while I was doing the photo of the day for the February photo challenge that I am taking part in. 

Remember when I used to take self portraits ALL OF THE TIME? Pictures of me, literally every day, sometimes multiple times a day? Remember when I did the 365 days of 30? I used to take so many self portraits that I have folders on Flickr specifically categorized for self portraits by year: 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010

I know that some of the reason my self portraits died down because of my relationship with Mike. I think it was a natural occurrence- my time was now taken up by him and also most of my pictures now involved him. Then of course then came Riley and now 99.999% of all pictures are of her and I'm happy with that...for the most part. That brings me to the other reason why I don't take too many pictures of myself anymore. I'm so uncomfortable at my current weight right now (aka the heaviest that I've ever been in my life) that I can't bear to see pictures of myself. I'd lost a bit of weight a couple years ago when I was working two jobs and was a) always on my feet and busy/moving and b) I didn't have time to eat because I had two jobs. Then I started dating Mike and as tends to happen in relationships, you go out to eat a lot together, you get comfortable, you get lazy, etc. and I started to gain the weight back that I had lost. Also, Mike loves to cook, I love to eat- you do the math ;) 

Now that I am at my largest size, I am having an extremely hard time feeling comfortable with myself. Granted, having been a big girl my whole life, I've never been 100% comfortable with myself, but this is definitely a low point. I will say that I have started to make an effort to change my lifestyle and be a lot healthier with my eating- making better choices and things. I've started to keep track of my eating habits and count my calories. I have started to drink a lot more water and I've almost cut out my diet soda habit completely. I do need to find more ways I can be active though. Since we've had Riley in our lives, I can say that I am 100% more active than I used to be- I walk her a lot, for long distances- multiple times a day, but I haven't noticed that it's made any difference in me, weight-wise. With my back issues, I can't really jog and using the elliptical machine for more than 5 minutes at a time starts to bother my back and hips. I wish I had a pool- that would be ideal for me! We were thinking about getting me a bike, but we're worried that me being semi-hunched over like that while riding, will be bad for my back. I am determined to find something though- even if that means I just have to keep walking- I'll just walk faster and longer. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself, but doing most exercises really hurts my back, so it makes things a bit more difficult for me.

It's time once and for all, for me to do what I have to do and make serious changes about my life. It's what is best for me and best for my family. I want to be the best Kerry I can be, be the best girlfriend to Mike and the best mama to Riley, and I can't be the best if I am not feeling good about myself mentally and physically.

Now comes the hard part: committing to this 100000%. Let's do this!

I decided on a more personal blog post because I wanted to link up with The Paper Mama for her Self Photo Challenge! I really liked opening up with you guys. You should check out her post/challenge and blog about yourself too- though you don't have to get as personal as I did of course ;)


  1. i always loved your self portraits. and these are beautiful.

    ...btw, it might be cold now, but you know you have use of my pool whenever you want it.

  2. you're beautiful, kerry! but i completely understand and support you 100%. i'm doing the same thing right now. i just want to be the best 'me' that i can be. you can do it! i believe in you!

    p.s. i miss the self portraits :)


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