Just me (and a lens flare!)

February 12, 2012

I took these pictures today during that amazing "golden hour" of perfect, gorgeous sunlight that happens ever day. If there was a way that I could have every single picture I ever take, be during this magic hour, that would be perfection! I was really happy that I got such wonderful lens flares even though I took these with my iPhone.These photos were taken while I was doing the photo of the day for the February photo challenge that I am taking part in. 

Remember when I used to take self portraits ALL OF THE TIME? Pictures of me, literally every day, sometimes multiple times a day? Remember when I did the 365 days of 30? I used to take so many self portraits that I have folders on Flickr specifically categorized for self portraits by year: 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010

I know that some of the reason my self portraits died down because of my relationship with Mike. I think it was a natural occurrence- my time was now taken up by him and also most of my pictures now involved him. Then of course then came Riley and now 99.999% of all pictures are of her and I'm happy with that...for the most part. That brings me to the other reason why I don't take too many pictures of myself anymore. I'm so uncomfortable at my current weight right now (aka the heaviest that I've ever been in my life) that I can't bear to see pictures of myself. I'd lost a bit of weight a couple years ago when I was working two jobs and was a) always on my feet and busy/moving and b) I didn't have time to eat because I had two jobs. Then I started dating Mike and as tends to happen in relationships, you go out to eat a lot together, you get comfortable, you get lazy, etc. and I started to gain the weight back that I had lost. Also, Mike loves to cook, I love to eat- you do the math ;) 

Now that I am at my largest size, I am having an extremely hard time feeling comfortable with myself. Granted, having been a big girl my whole life, I've never been 100% comfortable with myself, but this is definitely a low point. I will say that I have started to make an effort to change my lifestyle and be a lot healthier with my eating- making better choices and things. I've started to keep track of my eating habits and count my calories. I have started to drink a lot more water and I've almost cut out my diet soda habit completely. I do need to find more ways I can be active though. Since we've had Riley in our lives, I can say that I am 100% more active than I used to be- I walk her a lot, for long distances- multiple times a day, but I haven't noticed that it's made any difference in me, weight-wise. With my back issues, I can't really jog and using the elliptical machine for more than 5 minutes at a time starts to bother my back and hips. I wish I had a pool- that would be ideal for me! We were thinking about getting me a bike, but we're worried that me being semi-hunched over like that while riding, will be bad for my back. I am determined to find something though- even if that means I just have to keep walking- I'll just walk faster and longer. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself, but doing most exercises really hurts my back, so it makes things a bit more difficult for me.

It's time once and for all, for me to do what I have to do and make serious changes about my life. It's what is best for me and best for my family. I want to be the best Kerry I can be, be the best girlfriend to Mike and the best mama to Riley, and I can't be the best if I am not feeling good about myself mentally and physically.

Now comes the hard part: committing to this 100000%. Let's do this!


I decided on a more personal blog post because I wanted to link up with The Paper Mama for her Self Photo Challenge! I really liked opening up with you guys. You should check out her post/challenge and blog about yourself too- though you don't have to get as personal as I did of course ;)


4 comments:

  1. i always loved your self portraits. and these are beautiful.

    ...btw, it might be cold now, but you know you have use of my pool whenever you want it.

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  2. you're beautiful, kerry! but i completely understand and support you 100%. i'm doing the same thing right now. i just want to be the best 'me' that i can be. you can do it! i believe in you!

    p.s. i miss the self portraits :)

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